Malan Turned 8!

Malan was baptized on Saturday April 30th, the day after her 8th birthday!  She wore cousin Mckenzie's baptism dress so it was extra special.  It was a beautiful snowy morning that turned into a green, but chilly afternoon.  We had a brunch with family and friends at the church after the meeting, and although I can't say everything went off without a hitch, the "hitches" were not significant enough to remember or worry about.  My mom gave an inspiring talk on the Holy Ghost, Brigita and my dear friend Christy sang an angelic duet, Uncle Adam graced us all with his piano prowess, and all the cousins who dared sang I Am a Child of God.  Rustin did the baptizing and confirming with the adoring grandpas as witnesses.  It was so comforting to have the love and support of all our family (the presence of those absent was felt and appreciated) and many friends on Malan's special day.  Thank you to everyone who made the brunch possible by preparing yummy food and helping with set up and clean up!  It was a great day!

Malan spoke in church today (Mothers' Day) about how she felt at her baptism.  Her talk (which she thought up and typed totally unaided) follows. 

I have been asked to talk about some of my feelings about my baptism & say some things special about my Mom & say some ways my Mom helped me get ready for my baptism. Some of my feelings about my baptism are… when I went in the water I felt really good. And when I came out of the water I felt really warm. And after I got dressed I told my Mom I wanted to get baptized 100 times. Because it felt so good getting baptized. And it felt really warm not just the water made me feel warm the holy gost did to. I  And some things special about my Mom are…my Mom is always there for me and she always helps me when I need help. I am glad my Mom & Dad are married &I am glad they are my Mom and Dad. Some ways my Mom helped me get ready for my baptism are… she helps teach me the commandments &she helps teach me the gospel. And one of the commandments is to get baptized.  

Mommy Connections

When I first started blogging I didn't want to just write another mommy blog that focued only on my adorable children and idylic life. I still feel that way, but i have come to appreciate the value of mommy blogs and other mom to mom connections. The truth is ...we need eachother! We need that interaction with other moms. Even moms that we don't know can impact our lives in amazing ways. My freind Tarynn (one of those moms who has influenced me for good) posted this thought on Facebook recently, and I thought it belonged in this post...

“Women need women. Whether it be our mothers, mother-in-laws, sisters, dear friends, or even online acquaintances — woman are some of the best and sturdiest scaffolding we can have in our lives...”

Since it's Mothers' Day I'd like to say just a few things about my first earthly mother.  I may at al later time tell about some of the other influencial moms in my life, but that feels overwhelming to me right now, so I have to just start with one.  My mom is an amazing person!  The older I get and the more mothering experience I have the more I realize how amazing she is.  She has survived raising 7 imperfect kids and kept at least most of her sanity.  She has endured and even thrived through inumerable challenges, and she is still there for me and all her kids whenever we need her, yet at the same time, she is her own person.  I spoke in sacrament meeting today about mothers and mothering, and I shared this poem that I wrote about my mom several years ago.  There is much more I could say about my mom, but that's all I can write for now, and I'm sure that's more than you care to read right now.  Happy Mothers' Day to all the amazing mothers in my life!! I love you!

My Mother

An alternative sacrament meeting talk

My mother is extraordinary. 

My mother loves her children unconditionally. 

We are not perfect, and sometimes we are hard to love, but she loves us still. 

My mother is perfect.

And I don’t mean perfect like the usual sacrament meeting eulogy that some poor child is brain-washed into giving because he thinks that is what mothers want to hear. 

You know the talk…

”My mother is perfect.  She bakes bread and cookies everyday, she spends her whole day driving us from practice to school, to lessons, and back home again.  She would rather her kids had nice things to wear than spend money on something new for herself.  Her whole life is devoted to her children, with no thought for her own time or improvement.  She is completely selfless…etc. etc.” 

It’s the kind of talk that makes me not want to go to church on Mother’s Day because I know that I am not like that mother, and I don’t necessarily want to be like that mother. 

My mother is a different kind of perfect. 

Although she has done all the things listed in the eulogy, she is real, and she shows me how to be real;

how to repent when I make mistakes;

how to take time for myself, because she knows that I and my family will be better off in the future if I do;

how to educate myself, both formally and independently;

how to love my husband, and put him first on my priority list (even above my children). 

She teaches me that it is important to make things beautiful, but it is not the most important thing;

that although women are super, I do not have to be Superwoman, and must not run faster than I am able, which means that sometimes, something has to give. 

She teaches that sometimes learning and living the gospel are more important than… eating;

But…that food can be an effective means of getting the family together;

She teaches me that as a woman, I am smart, capable, talented, different from men, but not inferior, essential to making a happy eternal home and family, but not solely responsible for the successes or the failures of that family;

that it is necessary to be peculiar, and even to be the “bad guy” at times;

She teaches me that there are some things I do that my children will forget about the next day (and I need to forget them too), and other things that they will remember for the rest of their lives;

that being consistent with my children is more important than appeasing temporary desires;

that we all have great worth as individuals along with our collective identities;

that although it is a great honor to be “my husband’s wife”, and “my children’s mother,” I am also important as me, separate from any other relationship.

My mother is perfect because she is not perfect. 

So I know that if am not a perfect mother or wife, I can still be extraordinary. 

I can still be the one to influence those around me for good. 

I can still love and be loved, serve and receive service.

 I can still be worthy of the sacred title Mother.

By Jana Ostler in May 2004

Ballerinas

Mini ballerina Jana on the left with big sis Erika on the right.

Malan on stage on the right.

Malan & Amelia basking in post-performance glory!

Last week I attended my first real ballet class in about 18 years!  I was in heaven as I tried to make my body do all the things it used to, and found that I still could do a lot.  My girls started ballet last fall and I have loved every minute of being in the ballet studio with them.  I've loved making them look like ballerinas with perfect little buns and clean pink tights and red leotards.  They have always been dancers, but seeing them develop technique and learn the words to go with their movements thrills me.  I never thought I would try to live vicariously through my children's activities, and I didn't really do it on purpose, but I can't help but get excited for myself and not just for them, when they stand gracefully at the bar and plié with head held high.  I wish I could afford to take regular classes like they do, and I secretly wish I could be in a recital too.  I know these things are not possible at this moment in my life, but I can unashamedly feel great satisfaction seeing my girls do it.  The trick is to not take it too personally when they decide they don't want to go to ballet class some days, and brace myself for the possible eventuality that they choose soccer over ballet.

Thoughtfulness

One of the wonderful traits of my dear husband is his thoughtfulness.  This is something I really need to work on, but I hope my children are learning it from him.  I do see some evidence of this in the little things that they do from time to time.  Malan for example asked me one day what my favorite color was.  I gave her a list of about 5 and she has remembered them all and whenever she makes me anything- a card, picture, bead bracelet, etc. she makes it with those colors that she remembers are my favorites.  Although all the kids show evidence of inheriting thoughtfulness, Malan seems to exhibit this trait the most.  Like her dad, whenever we have a treat or special food without all family members present, she will make sure we save some for those who didn't get any.  I think it's interesting that she is often the kindest, even though she is also the most picked on by her siblings.

love dad dont break up love mom from amelia love

I need to post today no matter what!  I have a few partial entries started and I thought I would finish one of them, but when I sat down to write I had a brain cramp.  I took a little break then sat down again and Amelia came and sat on my lap.  I asked her what I should write about and she said "love."  I asked "what about love?" and she said, "love your husband and don't ever break up!"  I asked if she worried about Rustin me breaking up and she said, "no."  I let her write the title of this post!  She even did most of the spelling herself.   I sure hope that none of my kids worry about us breaking up.  We don't really give them any reason to worry.  We don't fight or argue (honestly, we never have!), we go on regular dates, and we are not shy about "innocent" PDA in front of them.  We are a perfect match and I am even more in love with Rustin now than I was when we were married 15 1/2 years ago.  All of that said, I think my parents could have said the same thing about each other when I was young, and yet I think my greatest fear was that they would split up or that I would lose one or both of them somehow.  I don't know where that fear came from, but I hope I can keep my kids from feeling it.

I guess I'm feeling a little sensitive about the subject of losing a husband right now because of a couple of events that have taken place this week.  One of my good friends had a scare with her marriage and thought her husband was leaving her.  That freaked me out... mostly for her, but it made me think about my marriage and reminded me that I can never work too hard to keep it strong and happy.  The other event that has my mind considering the loss of a spouse is the unexpected death of the father of one of my best childhood friends.  He is my dad's age and died suddenly of a heart attack this week.  He was also one of my bosses for a few years when I worked at his dental office.  He was a good man and has a great wife with whom he spent most of his time working and traveling.  For years I didn't particularly envy their relationship as he was a little grouchy and particular and she was sweet and patient, but I came to realize that he did love her and and she him and that was made clear in the number of hours they spent together everyday in the office, at home, and on the many vacations they took together.  You just can't spend that much time together and not love each other!  Thank you Garn and Catherine for your example... Garn you will be missed, and Catherine, Mary and all the other Ford clan, you are in my prayers!

To my kids.  I guess I can't promise you that dad and I won't be separated by death at some point, but that separation is not permanent, and I can promise you that staying with your dad FOREVER is my number one goal!!!

Train up a child

The other night Logan and I were out later than usual grocery shopping after his basketball practice.  When we got home the girls and Rustin had already read scriptures together.  Logan got ready for bed and lay down.  After a while he came in and asked if I could read scriptures with him.  He said he had already done his own scripture reading, but that he wanted to read where our family is ready together too.  So, I went and read to him from the Joseph Smith History.  We recently finished reading the Book of Mormon together as a family and he has started over on his own.  He told me after I read that his goal is to finish the Book of Mormon on his own this year, and so far he has read at least a little everyday.  He also told me that he has a goal to earn 20 merit badges this year.  When he told me these goals I thought to myself, "that may be a little too ambitious for an 11 year old to actually accomplish,"  and I considered trying to temper his lofty ideal in order to keep him from being disappointed in himself.  But then I thought, "those are not completely impossible goals - if he believes he can do it, and we encourage it, it could happen!"  So instead I asked, "what can I do to support you in accomplishing those goals?"

Someone reading this who knows Logan may be surprised that he would have these goals and be as spiritually sensitive as this incident illustrates.  It's true he often struggles to control his actions and torments his siblings and parents mercilessly.  But he really is a great kid, with a kind heart and a desire to do what's right.  He is always the first to offer to pray in most circumstances, and he prays thoughtfully and sincerely.  I used to think that he would volunteer to pray just so that he wouldn't have to sit through a long mom prayer, but I know now that he does it because he feels it (most of the time).  I'm so grateful for moments like these that remind me of this good side of him.  I need to learn how to help him let it out more often.  I guess I need to just expect it more, and think of him this way in my head more than I currently do.  Although I know that a lot of who Logan is is just his nature, I'm pretty convinced that parents do have something to do with the way their children "turn out."  I'm always hopeful that I am "training up" my children in the right way (although I don't usually feel that I'm doing such a great job at it), but moments like these give me encouragement to keep trying.

This was a year and a half ago, when Logan found a couple of baby birds in our yard.  He spent a lot of time and emotional energy on trying to get those birds healthy and able to survive on their own.

Logan the Tenderfoot

I've always loved outdoorsy stuff, but for some reason I've never been that excited about scouting, but I think I'm starting to now that I see what it is doing for my Logan.  He is really excited about earning merit badges and moving up in scouting.  I think it really helps that his dad is such a a good example.  Rustin earned his Eagle when he was 13 or 14, and he is encouraging Logan to do the same.  It also helps that Rustin is the Young Mens President so he is always involved in scouting stuff too.  The two of them went on the Klondike Derby campout this last weekend and had a great time.  Last night we had a court of honor and Logan was awarded his Tenderfoot and he got a carpentry merit badge (which Rustin helped him and the other boys earn).   Way to go Logan!  Thank you Rustin!  I love you both!

Daily affirmations

I'm on a role and not falling asleep at the keyboard yet, so I'm adding another post.  This is a list of self-talk affirmations I wrote a few months ago.  It felt kind of silly to write it, but reading it now, I see that it would be very useful for me to actually read it daily... memorize it... come to believe it... and then become this person.  My plan is to have my blog made into a book that will serve as our family scrapbook as well as my journal, so I'm just going to post whatever I feel like posting as often as I can.  I just thought about what I just wrote... not sure I really want my personal journal to be the family scrapbook, maybe I'll have to do 2 blogs, one just for me, and one for friends and family.  Yikes!  I haven't even done 1 blog well... now 2?!  Where is my brain?  Should have gone to bed long ago.  Anyway, here are my "affirmations";

I can act quickly and efficiently using every available moment to work toward accomplishing my goals.

I can be patient with my children.  I can have fun with them and say "yes" often and "no" only when necessary.

I can take care of my body by eating healthy foods and few treats, exercising daily, and going to bed at a reasonable hour (10:30 ish).  OOPS!

I can smile and laugh often.

I can put the Lord first as I use my time and resources.

I can keep negative thoughts and feelings from entering my mind.

I like this picture because we all look genuinely happy... and well... we are... most of the time!  We even look like we're having fun (note daily affirmation above).

Photo update

You'd think that we don't take many pictures around here if you compare the number of photos to the number of words in my blog.  Here is an initial attempt to correct that misperception.

Most recent (professional) family photo.  Logan, Rustin, Malan, Jana, Evan, Amelia.  November 2009

Love my goofy baby!  January 2011

Sisters!  Need I say more?  April 2010

Daddy's girls!  Malan and Amelia's 1st ballet recital.  I cried!  I didn't realize how much it would affect me to see my girls doing something that I love so much!  December 2010

Logan is a great big brother!  He's becoming so responsible and helpful!  April 2010

Amelia Beth

Since Amelia is now in kindergarten, I was pushed to write her name story (like I had done for Malan and plan to do for all the kids) so here it is.  I love this picture of her.  It captures one of her truest moments of being Amelia.  Not sure that will make sense to anyone but me, but oh well!


Amelia comes from a family of mountain lovers.  Her mom and dad met and dated mostly in the mountains rock climbing.  Amelia and each of her siblings got their first names from mountain peaks.  Amelia peak is located in beautiful Yosemite National Park in California and is named Amelia Earhart Peak after the famous adventurer and pilot. Amelia Earhart Peak rises 11,974 feet out of Yosemite Valley and offers a rewarding 14 mile hike to the summit. Amelia’s family hopes to hike all of the “name peaks” before the kids graduate from high school, but for now we practice on shorter hikes and love to camp and rock climb together. This summer, while camping, Amelia asked if we could sell our house and buy the campground and live there year-round. We probably won’t go that far, but we do need to camp more often and Amelia makes it a fun time for us.


Amelia's first name also happens (not accidentally) to be the name of my 3rd? great grandmother Amelia Eliza Slade Bennion.  Amelia was a Mormon pioneer who's strength and courage have inspired me many times while reading her history.  I hope someday my Amelia will cultivate the same strength and will for life that grandma Amelia had.


Amelia is the only child in the family that has a nickname that is used regularly. She became known as Mia (pronounced Mee-uh) when she was born and her then 20 month old sister Malan couldn’t pronounce Amelia’s full name and it always came out as Mia. I (Amelia’s mom) have spoken Spanish to her since she was born and mia means “mine” in Spanish, so even though most people now call her Amelia, I still call her Mia because she will always be “mine”.


Amelia’s middle name comes from her great-grandmother Pauline Beth Ostler. Grandma Ostler is cheerful and huggable like Amelia and is a wonderful cook. Her mostly-sweet masterpieces are loved and shared by all the grandkids, but I think Amelia has a special appreciation for those sweet treats (and food in general) because she is always asking for something to eat! Grandma Ostler is also an avid reader and Amelia seems to be following in her footsteps. Although she doesn’t read words yet, Amelia can often be found in a quiet corner with a stack of books “reading.” Grandma Ostler is Amelia’s last living great-grandparent and is now 90 years old. She and Amelia share the same birthday so Grandma Ostler is exactly 85 years older than her namesake.


Amelia’s last name, Ostler, comes from England where it originated as an occupational surname referring to inn-keepers. We don’t know if the family tradition started way back then, but in recent history the Ostler line is full of gracious hosts who love to make guests feel comfortable in their homes. Amelia continues that tradition in her own silly way by entertaining guests with crazy antics and spontaneous talent shows. There must be some mountaineers in the Ostler line as well because Ostler is also the name of a majestic looking mountain peak in the Uintah mountains. We look forward to climbing Ostler peak together soon also!

Outings with mom

Rustin has been working a lot lately, which I'm not complaining about because at least he still has a job.  This has left me to choose between taking the kids to do fun things by myself, or staying home.  My first desire is always to go do something fun, but quickly the hesitation begins and I have to talk myself into going it alone.  Besides the fact that I just love to have Rustin around, taking 4 kids on outings is not always easy, but the more I do it, the easier it gets.  So, here are some of the things we have done without Rustin lately.  

Spent an afternoon at the climbing gym  after lunch at the park.  I found that it's not entirely impossible to spot 3 monkey kids at once, while listening for a fourth to cry.  I can honestly say I had fun, even though I didn't get to climb and I felt like a bit of a spectacle among the regular grunge crowd at the gym.

Took the kids for breakfast, boating, and lunch at Deer Creek with my parents.  Of course I had mom and dad's help for this one, but I had to get us organized and in the car by myself (which is often half the battle).  I got to ski, the kids did the tube (couldn't convince Logan to try to ski), Logan fished his heart out with no luck, I did a fair amount of relaxing in a chair in the sun thanks to Evan needing to nurse.  I didn't stress out!!  Amelia gave me flashbacks of my childhood as she danced and danced in the wind that blew quite hard in the afternoon.  She was in her own little world and loved it.  Logan and Malan hunted and caught nearly a hundred grasshoppers.  My parents both skied while Malan spotted and I watched from the beach.  My dad can still carve out some nice  turns at almost 70.  

We went to the Clearfield pool a couple of weeks ago for my niece Maren's birthday party.  We've enjoyed various park outings including one to the Liberty Park water area.  For some reason the water activities make me the most nervous to do on my own with the kids, so even though I had help from Brigita for both of these mentioned here, I'm proud of myself for not just staying home thinking it would be too hard to keep track of them all.

My parents and I took my kids plus my nephew Isaac to the Manti pageant and then camping after the show.  We had a great time, and I only had one moment of panic that one of the kids was lost in the sea of people.  

This past weekend I took the kids on our Johnson family camp-out in Hobble Creek Canyon.  Rustin came for the second night, but I just had the kids for the first night.  We had help from my family of course, but ultimately I had to be responsible for the safety and happiness of my four kids.  And we did it!  We had a great and even relaxing time.  Then it just got better when Rustin joined us. 

I know for some of you it may seem like no big deal to haul your kids around the world without other adult help, but for me (a  confessed coward about some things, and recently inaugurated mother of 4) it is a big deal that I am "facing my fears," as Logan and Malan like to say, and getting out to enjoy life even when the love of my life can't be with us.

Evan David

OK, so I can't in good conscience write a post about Face Book and not follow up with something about our most important latest news.  We had a baby!  A healthy, beautiful baby boy whom we named Evan David.  He weighed 6 lbs. 10 oz. and measured 20 1/4 in.  Labor was quick (5 hours from start to finish) and as pain-free as you can get without any pain medication.  It's sort of unforgivable that he is almost 3 months old now and I am just getting around to making any kind of announcement, but it may be more unforgivable that I don't even have a recent picture to share.  I'll see what I can dig up. . .  So the photos are in chronological order;  hospital, 1 month, then 2 1/2 months.  Note to self. . . take pictures of Evan tomorrow!  Ironically, he is sleeping in all the photos, yet he doesn't do a whole lot of that anymore (at least not during the day).  He sleeps pretty well at night (once he falls asleep), but his daytime routine includes some fussing, feeding, diaper changing, charming us with his smiles, and cringing at the sound of his sisters approaching.  They are just a bit too "motherly" or should I say "smotherly".

Face Book

Aaahh!  I finally gave in and opened a Face Book account (the photo is my current profile picture)! One of my friends (who is actually my friend and not just an acquaintance that calls me his "friend" on Face Book) aptly described the medium as a "time vacuum".  Holy cow, I can't believe how much time one can waste on that site.  It has been a blessing and a curse in the last few days.  Curse, because I have wasted too much time on it (mostly reading other people's stuff and looking for people I have lost touch with).  I haven't written much to anyone or about me, and I haven't even requested "friendship" with most of the people I looked up (I guess I just wanted to know that they still existed).  But it has also been a blessing because I found some old friends from my mission and other eras of my life that I have felt sadness and even guilt for not keeping in touch with.  There are so many people in my life who have influenced me for good, maybe this (Face Book) will be a way to not lose them again.

Face Book is also to thank for this post.  I have for so long felt like I didn't have the time to post to my blog, but after spending hours on Face Book I thought, "if I can spend the time on that, surely I can eek out a post to my blog every now and then."  I have been especially anxious to post something (anything) so that my sort-of-sad post about Alice is not the first thing people see when they visit my blog in hopes that there will be something new to see.  My apologies to all who have faithfully checked in at Peaks Valleys, and Raisins only to be disappointed to find that there was never anything new to see.  I hope you don't tire quickly of the wallpaper, colors, etc. because the chances of those changing soon are very slim.

School for the baby

Amelia, the baby for now, is in preschool.  We are doing a neighborhood co-op preschool  like we did for Malan in North Ogden.  We have 6 kids in the class so my turn to teach comes around once every 3 weeks.  She loves school!  She is excited about learning her letters and all the other cool things that "big kids" know.  Although I have a hard time not thinking of her as my baby, I am trying to prepare her for not being the baby anymore.  I think she is excited to be a big sister, but when the reality that someone smaller than her is going to take some of my attention away from her sets in, we may have trouble.  

This photo is from our trip to Island Park with the  Ostlers this summer.

Malan Ruth

For Malan's kindergarten class we had to write the story of how Malan got her name.  This is something I had planned to do for all the kids at some point, so it was nice to have a deadline to get started on at least one of them.  Here is her story. 

Malan Ruth Ostler

Malan comes from a family of mountain lovers. Her mom and dad met and dated mostly in the mountains rock climbing. Malan and each of her siblings got their first names from mountain peaks. Malan peak is located in the beautiful Wasatch range in Ogden, Utah. It is not a high peak, but it is a beautiful partial day hike that offers great views along the way and from the top. Malan’s dad proposed to her mom in a boulder field near the base of Malan Peak. Now Malan enjoys learning to rock climb and is a great camper.

Malan’s middle name comes from her great-grandmother Ruth Johnson. Grandma Ruth was cheerful and loving and enjoyed making the world more beautiful. Grandma Ruth died in April 2008 at the age of 95. Malan carries on grandma’s legacy with her beautiful and often present smile, frequent hugs for all, and strong-willed love of life. Malan is our home’s resident “beautifier” making sure our tables are well-set and our house is well-decorated with flowers and art work.

Malan’s last name, Ostler, comes from England where it originated as an occupational surname referring to inn-keepers. We don’t know if the family tradition started way back then, but in recent history the Ostler line is full of gracious hosts who love to make guests comfortable in their homes. Malan is definitely carrying on that tradition by warmly welcoming all who come to visit.

Time for school

Right now the major time consumers in my life are kids and kids' school.  Logan and Malan are attending a new school since we moved from North Ogden to Salt Lake.  They go to a charter school called Open Classroom.  It is a co-op school which means that I spend about 8 hours a week in the classroom and about 8 to 10 extra hours a month in parent and committee meetings.  It has been great to be so directly involved in the kids' education.  Of course we still have the unnumbered hours of reading and homework to do after school, which isn't always fun, but I'm hopeful that things will improve in that department also.  

Logan is in 4th grade and does well once he is able to focus his energy on his work.  He is so active physically that he struggles to sit still for long.  He is very athletic and loves just about every sport.   This is a photo of him at the City Of Rocks from our family climbing trip this summer.