Malan Turned 8!

Malan was baptized on Saturday April 30th, the day after her 8th birthday!  She wore cousin Mckenzie's baptism dress so it was extra special.  It was a beautiful snowy morning that turned into a green, but chilly afternoon.  We had a brunch with family and friends at the church after the meeting, and although I can't say everything went off without a hitch, the "hitches" were not significant enough to remember or worry about.  My mom gave an inspiring talk on the Holy Ghost, Brigita and my dear friend Christy sang an angelic duet, Uncle Adam graced us all with his piano prowess, and all the cousins who dared sang I Am a Child of God.  Rustin did the baptizing and confirming with the adoring grandpas as witnesses.  It was so comforting to have the love and support of all our family (the presence of those absent was felt and appreciated) and many friends on Malan's special day.  Thank you to everyone who made the brunch possible by preparing yummy food and helping with set up and clean up!  It was a great day!

Malan spoke in church today (Mothers' Day) about how she felt at her baptism.  Her talk (which she thought up and typed totally unaided) follows. 

I have been asked to talk about some of my feelings about my baptism & say some things special about my Mom & say some ways my Mom helped me get ready for my baptism. Some of my feelings about my baptism are… when I went in the water I felt really good. And when I came out of the water I felt really warm. And after I got dressed I told my Mom I wanted to get baptized 100 times. Because it felt so good getting baptized. And it felt really warm not just the water made me feel warm the holy gost did to. I  And some things special about my Mom are…my Mom is always there for me and she always helps me when I need help. I am glad my Mom & Dad are married &I am glad they are my Mom and Dad. Some ways my Mom helped me get ready for my baptism are… she helps teach me the commandments &she helps teach me the gospel. And one of the commandments is to get baptized.  

Progress

I just realized that this post plus one more will make 12 posts to this blog this year.  This is meager by many standards, but for me it is real progress because 12 is the number of posts I logged in all of 2008, 2009, and 2010 combined!  And if you count my posts to my new blog (my personal journal) then I am already ahead.  Although I never feel like I am doing enough or doing it well enough (a common sin among women I have learned) I think I should celebrate my improvement in this and other areas!  I feel like I should be helping Rustin in the kitchen since that saint of a husband is doing dishes, cooking dinner, and entertaining Evan simultaneously.  But, I also feel like somehow I have to make time to record our history. For example, our posterity may not have known that Rustin does such wonderful things if I didn't take a minute to write about it... right?  So... the progress report (not just mine).

-Logan has been caught up on his homework for 4 weeks in a row now, and is determined to keep it up!  WOW!  I can't tell you how amazing that is!
-Evan is learning more words every day and continually making us smile and laugh.  He is no longer afraid of the sight of dogs, in fact he can't get enough of seeing them as long as they don't make any noise.  Rustin has been trying to teach him that when dogs bark they are just saying "hi" and he does this by mixing barking sounds with the word "hi", so now whenever Evan says "hi," it sounds like he's barking, and whenever you ask him what a dog says, he says "hi"!
-I am steadily increasing my running speed.  I have run several 5k + training runs in the last couple of weeks at about a 10.5 minute /mile pace.  I know, I really can't call that "running", it's still a jogging pace, but I feel good about it.
-I decided last summer that I was going to complete a sprint triathlon this summer, so I started training for the swim a couple of months ago.  I used to be a TERRIBLE swimmer and quite afraid of water (even though I spent a lot of time in it while growing up) and now, I can say with some confidence that I know how to swim.  I have much improvement to make still.  I am quite slow, and still have the occasional panicky moment when I have to break my stroke to catch my breath and calm myself down, but now instead of stopping dead in the water and doggy paddling while gasping for air, I can somewhat calmly roll into my "sweet spot" (a term I learned from my awesome swim teacher and friend Coleen), breath deeply for a minute to steady myself, and then roll back into my stroke.  This would have been unthinkable a year ago.
-I have "kept up" on the laundry for a few months now.  This doesn't mean that the laundry is always DONE because that's impossible unless you make everyone go naked, sleep standing up, and drip dry instead of using towels.  But I have managed to avoid chest high piles of dirty clothes and multiple baskets of clean clothes waiting to be folded and put away.  I don't really know what has made the difference except maybe just consistently doing a little everyday.
-I have done better about managing the kids' chores and responsibilities using progress charts and rewards lately.  Sometimes it is so hard to keep up with who has finished what and who has earned or lost what privilege, but I have devoted enough time to it lately that we have had a somewhat meaningful system of incentives and things are getting done around the house (by the kids) more regularly.

I'd love to keep going, it helps me feel better about myself and my family when I spend time thinking about the good we accomplish, but I really better go help Rustin now so he can feel good about what I'm doing too!

Ballerinas

Mini ballerina Jana on the left with big sis Erika on the right.

Malan on stage on the right.

Malan & Amelia basking in post-performance glory!

Last week I attended my first real ballet class in about 18 years!  I was in heaven as I tried to make my body do all the things it used to, and found that I still could do a lot.  My girls started ballet last fall and I have loved every minute of being in the ballet studio with them.  I've loved making them look like ballerinas with perfect little buns and clean pink tights and red leotards.  They have always been dancers, but seeing them develop technique and learn the words to go with their movements thrills me.  I never thought I would try to live vicariously through my children's activities, and I didn't really do it on purpose, but I can't help but get excited for myself and not just for them, when they stand gracefully at the bar and plié with head held high.  I wish I could afford to take regular classes like they do, and I secretly wish I could be in a recital too.  I know these things are not possible at this moment in my life, but I can unashamedly feel great satisfaction seeing my girls do it.  The trick is to not take it too personally when they decide they don't want to go to ballet class some days, and brace myself for the possible eventuality that they choose soccer over ballet.

Thoughtfulness

One of the wonderful traits of my dear husband is his thoughtfulness.  This is something I really need to work on, but I hope my children are learning it from him.  I do see some evidence of this in the little things that they do from time to time.  Malan for example asked me one day what my favorite color was.  I gave her a list of about 5 and she has remembered them all and whenever she makes me anything- a card, picture, bead bracelet, etc. she makes it with those colors that she remembers are my favorites.  Although all the kids show evidence of inheriting thoughtfulness, Malan seems to exhibit this trait the most.  Like her dad, whenever we have a treat or special food without all family members present, she will make sure we save some for those who didn't get any.  I think it's interesting that she is often the kindest, even though she is also the most picked on by her siblings.

love dad dont break up love mom from amelia love

I need to post today no matter what!  I have a few partial entries started and I thought I would finish one of them, but when I sat down to write I had a brain cramp.  I took a little break then sat down again and Amelia came and sat on my lap.  I asked her what I should write about and she said "love."  I asked "what about love?" and she said, "love your husband and don't ever break up!"  I asked if she worried about Rustin me breaking up and she said, "no."  I let her write the title of this post!  She even did most of the spelling herself.   I sure hope that none of my kids worry about us breaking up.  We don't really give them any reason to worry.  We don't fight or argue (honestly, we never have!), we go on regular dates, and we are not shy about "innocent" PDA in front of them.  We are a perfect match and I am even more in love with Rustin now than I was when we were married 15 1/2 years ago.  All of that said, I think my parents could have said the same thing about each other when I was young, and yet I think my greatest fear was that they would split up or that I would lose one or both of them somehow.  I don't know where that fear came from, but I hope I can keep my kids from feeling it.

I guess I'm feeling a little sensitive about the subject of losing a husband right now because of a couple of events that have taken place this week.  One of my good friends had a scare with her marriage and thought her husband was leaving her.  That freaked me out... mostly for her, but it made me think about my marriage and reminded me that I can never work too hard to keep it strong and happy.  The other event that has my mind considering the loss of a spouse is the unexpected death of the father of one of my best childhood friends.  He is my dad's age and died suddenly of a heart attack this week.  He was also one of my bosses for a few years when I worked at his dental office.  He was a good man and has a great wife with whom he spent most of his time working and traveling.  For years I didn't particularly envy their relationship as he was a little grouchy and particular and she was sweet and patient, but I came to realize that he did love her and and she him and that was made clear in the number of hours they spent together everyday in the office, at home, and on the many vacations they took together.  You just can't spend that much time together and not love each other!  Thank you Garn and Catherine for your example... Garn you will be missed, and Catherine, Mary and all the other Ford clan, you are in my prayers!

To my kids.  I guess I can't promise you that dad and I won't be separated by death at some point, but that separation is not permanent, and I can promise you that staying with your dad FOREVER is my number one goal!!!

Logan the Tenderfoot

I've always loved outdoorsy stuff, but for some reason I've never been that excited about scouting, but I think I'm starting to now that I see what it is doing for my Logan.  He is really excited about earning merit badges and moving up in scouting.  I think it really helps that his dad is such a a good example.  Rustin earned his Eagle when he was 13 or 14, and he is encouraging Logan to do the same.  It also helps that Rustin is the Young Mens President so he is always involved in scouting stuff too.  The two of them went on the Klondike Derby campout this last weekend and had a great time.  Last night we had a court of honor and Logan was awarded his Tenderfoot and he got a carpentry merit badge (which Rustin helped him and the other boys earn).   Way to go Logan!  Thank you Rustin!  I love you both!

Photo update

You'd think that we don't take many pictures around here if you compare the number of photos to the number of words in my blog.  Here is an initial attempt to correct that misperception.

Most recent (professional) family photo.  Logan, Rustin, Malan, Jana, Evan, Amelia.  November 2009

Love my goofy baby!  January 2011

Sisters!  Need I say more?  April 2010

Daddy's girls!  Malan and Amelia's 1st ballet recital.  I cried!  I didn't realize how much it would affect me to see my girls doing something that I love so much!  December 2010

Logan is a great big brother!  He's becoming so responsible and helpful!  April 2010

Amelia Beth

Since Amelia is now in kindergarten, I was pushed to write her name story (like I had done for Malan and plan to do for all the kids) so here it is.  I love this picture of her.  It captures one of her truest moments of being Amelia.  Not sure that will make sense to anyone but me, but oh well!


Amelia comes from a family of mountain lovers.  Her mom and dad met and dated mostly in the mountains rock climbing.  Amelia and each of her siblings got their first names from mountain peaks.  Amelia peak is located in beautiful Yosemite National Park in California and is named Amelia Earhart Peak after the famous adventurer and pilot. Amelia Earhart Peak rises 11,974 feet out of Yosemite Valley and offers a rewarding 14 mile hike to the summit. Amelia’s family hopes to hike all of the “name peaks” before the kids graduate from high school, but for now we practice on shorter hikes and love to camp and rock climb together. This summer, while camping, Amelia asked if we could sell our house and buy the campground and live there year-round. We probably won’t go that far, but we do need to camp more often and Amelia makes it a fun time for us.


Amelia's first name also happens (not accidentally) to be the name of my 3rd? great grandmother Amelia Eliza Slade Bennion.  Amelia was a Mormon pioneer who's strength and courage have inspired me many times while reading her history.  I hope someday my Amelia will cultivate the same strength and will for life that grandma Amelia had.


Amelia is the only child in the family that has a nickname that is used regularly. She became known as Mia (pronounced Mee-uh) when she was born and her then 20 month old sister Malan couldn’t pronounce Amelia’s full name and it always came out as Mia. I (Amelia’s mom) have spoken Spanish to her since she was born and mia means “mine” in Spanish, so even though most people now call her Amelia, I still call her Mia because she will always be “mine”.


Amelia’s middle name comes from her great-grandmother Pauline Beth Ostler. Grandma Ostler is cheerful and huggable like Amelia and is a wonderful cook. Her mostly-sweet masterpieces are loved and shared by all the grandkids, but I think Amelia has a special appreciation for those sweet treats (and food in general) because she is always asking for something to eat! Grandma Ostler is also an avid reader and Amelia seems to be following in her footsteps. Although she doesn’t read words yet, Amelia can often be found in a quiet corner with a stack of books “reading.” Grandma Ostler is Amelia’s last living great-grandparent and is now 90 years old. She and Amelia share the same birthday so Grandma Ostler is exactly 85 years older than her namesake.


Amelia’s last name, Ostler, comes from England where it originated as an occupational surname referring to inn-keepers. We don’t know if the family tradition started way back then, but in recent history the Ostler line is full of gracious hosts who love to make guests feel comfortable in their homes. Amelia continues that tradition in her own silly way by entertaining guests with crazy antics and spontaneous talent shows. There must be some mountaineers in the Ostler line as well because Ostler is also the name of a majestic looking mountain peak in the Uintah mountains. We look forward to climbing Ostler peak together soon also!

Still Here

So, once I realized that I had my second wind tonight (this morning) I thought, hmm, maybe I'll post something to my blog. I logged on and started reading other blogs instead, and now it's really late, and I should have been using this time to do other things like, pay my bills, do my taxes, clean my kitchen, file my junk, work through my "to do" pile on my dresser, and any number of other worthy tasks. But since I sort of committed to myself that I would post, I'm going to post. Who needs sleep anyway?! The other day my sister-in-law Jami was talking about how depressing it is to read her friends' blogs because they only show the "perfect" side of their lives and make everyone else (those who don't know the whole story) look bad. After this conversation I sort of felt a sense of duty to blog more regularly just so that she (and anyone else who wanted to) could have something to read that wouldn't make her feel like she wasn't perfect enough. Now that I think about it though... when I read people's blogs and see how frequently they post (about anything) I think, "what is wrong with me that I can't even eek out a post or two a month? Am I really that unorganized and frenzied?" So, maybe my blogging more often won't help Jami feel better about her amazing life (because she really does do amazing things, whether she knows it or not) but it might make me feel better about my amazing life. Not that I do amazing things, but I do have a wonderful life and sitting down to take stock of it helps me be more mindful of how great I have it. So, because I am determined to post something informative, but I am also committed to getting up in 4 hours to do yoga before getting kids off to school, I am going to make a short list of things that prove that I am "still here".

*took the girls and Evan to the climbing gym today

*have enjoyed regular visits to the library with all the kids again

*doing cooking trade with Brigita again (this means I'm cooking a real meal at least once a week)

*still co-oping at the kids school two mornings a week

*teaching a mini-course on architecture in Malan's class

*got to sub for English class last week, reminded me how much I love teaching

*survived Evan's chicken pox (he just lost his last scab today)

*making date-night babysitting trade happen and enjoying time with the love of my life

*my house stinks (overflowing compost bucket, dirty diapers, broccoli, brussel sprouts, unmopped floors, kids, old house, 5 people with Orton gastrointestinal genes, bag of sweet peppers going moldy on my counter, piles of dirty laundry, etc)

*running, biking, or doing yoga 5 to 6 days a week

*running my 2nd half-marathon on Saturday, starting to think that maybe a full is not so crazy after all

*Logan did some homework yesterday!

*discovering new reasons for loving my children

*have not had a zit-free week for several months now

*almost caught up on the laundry last week

*the girls have made it quite successfully through their first month of piano lessons

*still successfully resisting my kids pleas to get a dog

*got to see my sister Angie and her family last week!

*my last baby turned 1! time is going too quickly

*still nursing with no plans to wean yet. hard to give up since I know it won't happen again.

*preparing for pioneer trek with our stake. this will be the 3rd trek that Rustin & I have done.

*have mastered the art of getting my kids to school at the last possible second before the bell rings (no official tardies for a few months! yay!)

*favorite quote right now..."The future is as bright as your faith." Thomas S. Monson

*wore my hair down twice this week! even thought about putting on a little makeup...

*danced in the kitchen with my kids last week, they were completely freaked out... in a good way. need to do that much more often.

OK now I really need to sleep! Better put my dinner leftovers in the fridge first.

Outings with mom

Rustin has been working a lot lately, which I'm not complaining about because at least he still has a job.  This has left me to choose between taking the kids to do fun things by myself, or staying home.  My first desire is always to go do something fun, but quickly the hesitation begins and I have to talk myself into going it alone.  Besides the fact that I just love to have Rustin around, taking 4 kids on outings is not always easy, but the more I do it, the easier it gets.  So, here are some of the things we have done without Rustin lately.  

Spent an afternoon at the climbing gym  after lunch at the park.  I found that it's not entirely impossible to spot 3 monkey kids at once, while listening for a fourth to cry.  I can honestly say I had fun, even though I didn't get to climb and I felt like a bit of a spectacle among the regular grunge crowd at the gym.

Took the kids for breakfast, boating, and lunch at Deer Creek with my parents.  Of course I had mom and dad's help for this one, but I had to get us organized and in the car by myself (which is often half the battle).  I got to ski, the kids did the tube (couldn't convince Logan to try to ski), Logan fished his heart out with no luck, I did a fair amount of relaxing in a chair in the sun thanks to Evan needing to nurse.  I didn't stress out!!  Amelia gave me flashbacks of my childhood as she danced and danced in the wind that blew quite hard in the afternoon.  She was in her own little world and loved it.  Logan and Malan hunted and caught nearly a hundred grasshoppers.  My parents both skied while Malan spotted and I watched from the beach.  My dad can still carve out some nice  turns at almost 70.  

We went to the Clearfield pool a couple of weeks ago for my niece Maren's birthday party.  We've enjoyed various park outings including one to the Liberty Park water area.  For some reason the water activities make me the most nervous to do on my own with the kids, so even though I had help from Brigita for both of these mentioned here, I'm proud of myself for not just staying home thinking it would be too hard to keep track of them all.

My parents and I took my kids plus my nephew Isaac to the Manti pageant and then camping after the show.  We had a great time, and I only had one moment of panic that one of the kids was lost in the sea of people.  

This past weekend I took the kids on our Johnson family camp-out in Hobble Creek Canyon.  Rustin came for the second night, but I just had the kids for the first night.  We had help from my family of course, but ultimately I had to be responsible for the safety and happiness of my four kids.  And we did it!  We had a great and even relaxing time.  Then it just got better when Rustin joined us. 

I know for some of you it may seem like no big deal to haul your kids around the world without other adult help, but for me (a  confessed coward about some things, and recently inaugurated mother of 4) it is a big deal that I am "facing my fears," as Logan and Malan like to say, and getting out to enjoy life even when the love of my life can't be with us.

Evan David

OK, so I can't in good conscience write a post about Face Book and not follow up with something about our most important latest news.  We had a baby!  A healthy, beautiful baby boy whom we named Evan David.  He weighed 6 lbs. 10 oz. and measured 20 1/4 in.  Labor was quick (5 hours from start to finish) and as pain-free as you can get without any pain medication.  It's sort of unforgivable that he is almost 3 months old now and I am just getting around to making any kind of announcement, but it may be more unforgivable that I don't even have a recent picture to share.  I'll see what I can dig up. . .  So the photos are in chronological order;  hospital, 1 month, then 2 1/2 months.  Note to self. . . take pictures of Evan tomorrow!  Ironically, he is sleeping in all the photos, yet he doesn't do a whole lot of that anymore (at least not during the day).  He sleeps pretty well at night (once he falls asleep), but his daytime routine includes some fussing, feeding, diaper changing, charming us with his smiles, and cringing at the sound of his sisters approaching.  They are just a bit too "motherly" or should I say "smotherly".

Alice

I know it has been forever since I posted anything, and this one is going to be short, but something is better than nothing right?  

Today I spent a minute checking out a friend's blog and saw a link to a blog in memory of their angel baby.  I clicked on it and allowed myself a few minutes of remembering our Alice and the feelings surrounding her birth.  I left a comment on the blog sharing some of my feelings, so I thought I would just share those quickly here.

"It has been a month or so since I have had a good cry for my own angel baby Alice who went back to our Heavenly Father in December of 2006. It felt good to cry tears of sorrow and joy in her memory at the same time as I read the poems and listened to the music on your bog. One of my greatest fears in losing Alice was that I would forget about her and forget the feeling of loss that I felt at her death. Sharing moments like this with other families who have felt loss too, help to make it impossible for me to forget. So, thank you. I pray for you, and for all who have lost children, that we may feel those angel babies present in our homes and be worthy of a joyous reunion with them in the eternities".

Thanks for indulging me with a personal moment. I have to say that Alice's memory makes every kick and squirm of the baby inside me even more precious and even sacred to me.

It's a Boy!

OK so this is old news for most of you, but I had to post it anyway, and share the fun name ideas we have heard from some of the kids.  Just after I told my sister Brigita we were having a boy, Isaac (her almost 4 year old) called me back and said, "Jana, I know what you should name your baby boy.  You should name him Bow, like bow and arrow."  Then a little later that day, Malan said out of the blue, "Mom, I have a name for our new brother...We should name him Spice!"  I don't know where that one came from, but she was excited about it.  Then Amelia chimed in, "no, we should name him Rainbow...Poopy."  Before we knew if we were having a girl or a boy, the kids were discussing possible names for the new baby, and Amelia's suggestion then was, "if it's a girl we should name her Rainbow Pink."  So I think the Rainbow Poopy idea stemmed from the original girl name.  She must have decided that Pink was not a good boy name and quickly found something that she considered more masculine.  

So I think we should put it up for a vote.  So far in the running we have Bow, Spice, and Rainbow Poopy.  Luckily we still have a few months to come up with some alternatives, but feel free to take your pick from the current options!

School for the baby

Amelia, the baby for now, is in preschool.  We are doing a neighborhood co-op preschool  like we did for Malan in North Ogden.  We have 6 kids in the class so my turn to teach comes around once every 3 weeks.  She loves school!  She is excited about learning her letters and all the other cool things that "big kids" know.  Although I have a hard time not thinking of her as my baby, I am trying to prepare her for not being the baby anymore.  I think she is excited to be a big sister, but when the reality that someone smaller than her is going to take some of my attention away from her sets in, we may have trouble.  

This photo is from our trip to Island Park with the  Ostlers this summer.

Malan Ruth

For Malan's kindergarten class we had to write the story of how Malan got her name.  This is something I had planned to do for all the kids at some point, so it was nice to have a deadline to get started on at least one of them.  Here is her story. 

Malan Ruth Ostler

Malan comes from a family of mountain lovers. Her mom and dad met and dated mostly in the mountains rock climbing. Malan and each of her siblings got their first names from mountain peaks. Malan peak is located in the beautiful Wasatch range in Ogden, Utah. It is not a high peak, but it is a beautiful partial day hike that offers great views along the way and from the top. Malan’s dad proposed to her mom in a boulder field near the base of Malan Peak. Now Malan enjoys learning to rock climb and is a great camper.

Malan’s middle name comes from her great-grandmother Ruth Johnson. Grandma Ruth was cheerful and loving and enjoyed making the world more beautiful. Grandma Ruth died in April 2008 at the age of 95. Malan carries on grandma’s legacy with her beautiful and often present smile, frequent hugs for all, and strong-willed love of life. Malan is our home’s resident “beautifier” making sure our tables are well-set and our house is well-decorated with flowers and art work.

Malan’s last name, Ostler, comes from England where it originated as an occupational surname referring to inn-keepers. We don’t know if the family tradition started way back then, but in recent history the Ostler line is full of gracious hosts who love to make guests comfortable in their homes. Malan is definitely carrying on that tradition by warmly welcoming all who come to visit.

Time for school

Right now the major time consumers in my life are kids and kids' school.  Logan and Malan are attending a new school since we moved from North Ogden to Salt Lake.  They go to a charter school called Open Classroom.  It is a co-op school which means that I spend about 8 hours a week in the classroom and about 8 to 10 extra hours a month in parent and committee meetings.  It has been great to be so directly involved in the kids' education.  Of course we still have the unnumbered hours of reading and homework to do after school, which isn't always fun, but I'm hopeful that things will improve in that department also.  

Logan is in 4th grade and does well once he is able to focus his energy on his work.  He is so active physically that he struggles to sit still for long.  He is very athletic and loves just about every sport.   This is a photo of him at the City Of Rocks from our family climbing trip this summer.