“Women need women. Whether it be our mothers, mother-in-laws, sisters, dear friends, or even online acquaintances — woman are some of the best and sturdiest scaffolding we can have in our lives...”
Since it's Mothers' Day I'd like to say just a few things about my first earthly mother. I may at al later time tell about some of the other influencial moms in my life, but that feels overwhelming to me right now, so I have to just start with one. My mom is an amazing person! The older I get and the more mothering experience I have the more I realize how amazing she is. She has survived raising 7 imperfect kids and kept at least most of her sanity. She has endured and even thrived through inumerable challenges, and she is still there for me and all her kids whenever we need her, yet at the same time, she is her own person. I spoke in sacrament meeting today about mothers and mothering, and I shared this poem that I wrote about my mom several years ago. There is much more I could say about my mom, but that's all I can write for now, and I'm sure that's more than you care to read right now. Happy Mothers' Day to all the amazing mothers in my life!! I love you!
My Mother
An alternative sacrament meeting talk
My mother is extraordinary.
My mother loves her children unconditionally.
We are not perfect, and sometimes we are hard to love, but she loves us still.
My mother is perfect.
And I don’t mean perfect like the usual sacrament meeting eulogy that some poor child is brain-washed into giving because he thinks that is what mothers want to hear.
You know the talk…
”My mother is perfect. She bakes bread and cookies everyday, she spends her whole day driving us from practice to school, to lessons, and back home again. She would rather her kids had nice things to wear than spend money on something new for herself. Her whole life is devoted to her children, with no thought for her own time or improvement. She is completely selfless…etc. etc.”
It’s the kind of talk that makes me not want to go to church on Mother’s Day because I know that I am not like that mother, and I don’t necessarily want to be like that mother.
My mother is a different kind of perfect.
Although she has done all the things listed in the eulogy, she is real, and she shows me how to be real;
how to repent when I make mistakes;
how to take time for myself, because she knows that I and my family will be better off in the future if I do;
how to educate myself, both formally and independently;
how to love my husband, and put him first on my priority list (even above my children).
She teaches me that it is important to make things beautiful, but it is not the most important thing;
that although women are super, I do not have to be Superwoman, and must not run faster than I am able, which means that sometimes, something has to give.
She teaches that sometimes learning and living the gospel are more important than… eating;
But…that food can be an effective means of getting the family together;
She teaches me that as a woman, I am smart, capable, talented, different from men, but not inferior, essential to making a happy eternal home and family, but not solely responsible for the successes or the failures of that family;
that it is necessary to be peculiar, and even to be the “bad guy” at times;
She teaches me that there are some things I do that my children will forget about the next day (and I need to forget them too), and other things that they will remember for the rest of their lives;
that being consistent with my children is more important than appeasing temporary desires;
that we all have great worth as individuals along with our collective identities;
that although it is a great honor to be “my husband’s wife”, and “my children’s mother,” I am also important as me, separate from any other relationship.
My mother is perfect because she is not perfect.
So I know that if am not a perfect mother or wife, I can still be extraordinary.
I can still be the one to influence those around me for good.
I can still love and be loved, serve and receive service.
I can still be worthy of the sacred title Mother.
By Jana Ostler in May 2004
1 comment:
I love this! That poem is just how I feel about my mom! You're super Jana!
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